


if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand

by carolinecrane



Category: Kitchen Confidential
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Fisting, Drunk Sex, Kink Bingo 2009, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Orgy, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-10
Updated: 2010-10-10
Packaged: 2017-10-12 14:20:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/125766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinecrane/pseuds/carolinecrane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack's no fun now that he's sober.  Luckily, Jim comes pretty cheap.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand

"Somebody take that bottle away from him before he gives himself alcohol poisoning."

Teddy's voice, Jim was pretty sure, though it was hard to tell anymore. He felt sort of floaty, like the time one of his bunkmates snuck a bottle of cooking sherry into computer camp and he mistook it for bug juice. The bug juice in this bottle tasted a lot better than the stuff at summer camp, and he lifted it to his lips to take another sip. Before he could someone pulled the bottle out of his hand, and Jim frowned and looked down at the dark liquid dripping down his chest.

"Can you give yourself alcohol poisoning with strawberry wine coolers?" Seth asked, but he set the bottle out of Jim's reach. Jim swayed forward on the bed, laughing a little at the way his head swam when a hand landed on his shoulder to push him back down. "Whoa there, cowboy. Teddy's right, you've had enough."

"Not a cowboy," Jim said, blinking slowly until Seth's face swam into focus. "Horses are scary."

He didn't remember lying down, but somehow Jim had ended up flat on his back on the bed. Seth was still peering down at him, then Teddy appeared to frown at him. "He's pretty drunk," Seth said. "Maybe we should just let him sleep it off."

"I'm not that drunk," Jim said, hand waving around in thin air for awhile until he finally made contact with something solid. Teddy's arm, he thought, though it could have been some other body part entirely. And okay, he was _kind_ of drunk, because most of the time that thought would make him blush instead of giggle. "Guys, come on, I'm not."

Seth and Teddy both disappeared, but they were still in the room somewhere. Jim could hear them whispering, though he couldn't make out what they were saying. "I thought we were...playing cards," he said over the sound of their whispers, pushing himself up on his elbows and blinking at the figures huddled near the end of the bed.

That's what they'd told him when they said he could come along, anyway. "We need a fourth for bridge," Steven had said, and when Seth laughed Jim figured it was because he'd admitted that he used to play with his parents when he was in high school. He'd asked why Jack wasn't their fourth, but Steven just slid an arm around his shoulders and said Jack wasn't any fun now that he was on the wagon. Which Jim didn't think was a very sportsmanlike attitude, but then Steven had kissed him and he forgot what they were talking about.

The kiss had taken him by surprise. What was more surprising was the fact that Steven tasted like cherries, and Jim found himself lifting up onto his tiptoes to chase the flavor. He remembered Steven's hand holding his chin, stopping him from moving any faster than Steven wanted him to. Then he pulled back and looked over Jim's head, still holding him in place, and said, "Enthusiastic, this one. Didn't really see that coming."

After that everything was a blur of discarded clothes and strong hands and at one point somebody's tongue in a place Jim had never even _thought_ about before, and jiminy, that was something. If he'd had any idea what his fellow chefs did when they went off to 'play bridge'...well, he wasn't sure if he'd have tried to get them to let him tag along before now, but he was certainly glad he'd accepted this invitation.

Just the memory of someone's tongue pushing inside him made him hard again, and if they were going to ignore him then he'd just have to take matters into his own hands. Jim giggled again at the pun and reached down, laughter fading into a moan as he closed his fingers around his erection. A second later the mattress dipped next to him and Steven stretched out beside him, propping himself up on one elbow to watch. "Well, well, look who's starting without us."

"See, I told you," Teddy said from somewhere outside Jim's range of sight. Not that he was looking, because Steven was kissing him again.

"Just be careful. I promised I'd bring him back in one piece."

"I can't believe you're scared of a dishwasher."

"It is a bit disgraceful, mate," Steven added, dragging his mouth away from Jim's long enough to glance toward the end of the bed. "Besides, if he's still doing Ramon's bidding, he can handle this."

"Handle what?" Jim asked, pushing himself up on his elbows to look down at the end of the bed. There was a box sitting on the mattress that he was pretty sure hadn't been there a few minutes ago, along with a can of something that looked like... "Is that the bacon grease from the kitchen?"

"Course not," Steven said, hand on Jim's chest to push him back down onto the mattress. "It's Crisco."

"Crisco? Is Seth making a...ohhhh," he trailed off, lips round with silent surprise as something slick and warm pushed inside him. It was different than a tongue, but it felt just as weird. _Good_ weird, and he felt more blood rush to his erection as whatever it was slid further inside.

"So the question is," Steven said, still propped next to him and watching Jim flush as he worked a slick finger in and out of him, "who's it going to be?"

"Who's...what?" was all Jim could manage, because his breath was ragged and his hips were moving without his permission, trying to work Steven's finger further inside.

"He's a natural, this one. Amazing. I never would have guessed."

If he wasn't way too far gone already from the sensation of Steven's finger slowly fucking him, Jim would have flushed with pride at the compliment. He wasn't sure what it _meant_ , exactly, but he was pretty sure it was good.

"No fair cheating," Seth said, voice closer now and Jim forced his eyes open in time to watch Seth kneel on the mattress on his other side. "You can't expect him to make a decision when you've already started."

"Fine," Steven said, finger sliding all the way out of Jim, and he bit his lip against the loss. "Happy?"

"You...you didn't have to...stop," Jim panted, waving a hand in Steven's direction in the hope that he'd somehow find that fantastic hand and drag it back toward him.

"I wouldn't choose Steven if I were you," Seth said, swaying into Jim's line of vision. "His hands are enormous. Believe me, I've been there."

"Now who's cheating?"

"Hey, I didn't say I don't _like_ your hands. They're just...large. Very manly. Not what I'd choose for my first time."

Jim swiveled his head back and forth between the two of them while they talked, trying to work out what they were talking _about_ , exactly. He still wasn't sure, but now Steven was grinning at Seth the same way he'd grinned at Jim right before he kissed him the first time.

"If you want a turn, Sethy, all you have to do is ask," Steven said, and when Jim looked back at Seth he was almost sure he was blushing.

"A turn at what?" Jim said, and okay, maybe it was more of a whine than he'd intended, but if somebody didn't do _something_ soon he was going to burst.

"I'll do it," Teddy said from the end of the bed, and Jim pushed up onto his elbows to watch as he pulled on a surgical glove. When the latex snapped against his wrist Jim realized what he had in mind, and his whole body flushed. Teddy held up his other hand, wiggling his fingers to emphasize his point. "Smallest hands."

Jim had watched all of them work in the kitchen, studying their technique and refining his own skills as he learned. So he knew their hands, knew that Seth was right about Steven and that even though his thick finger felt _amazing_ , his whole hand would probably kill Jim. Seth's hands weren't that much smaller than Steven's, but Teddy...Teddy had delicate hands. They weren't as small as, say, Tanya's, but they were the smallest in the room, and if Jim was going to go through with this, Teddy was definitely his choice.

"Yeah. I choose him," Jim said, though he wasn't sure whether he wanted to go through with this or bolt for the nearest exit before it was too late.

"Good choice for your first time," Seth said as he climbed over Jim to settle on the same side of the bed as Steven. "He's got those tiny little girl hands, you'll barely even feel it."

"Don't make me hurt you," Teddy said, but he was already coating the glove with Crisco and kneeling between Jim's legs.

"How do you even know it's his first time?" Steven asked. "Have you actually asked Ramon what he's been up to?"

"It's his first time," Teddy said, head tilted to one side to study Jim. And it should be embarrassing that they could tell just by looking at him, but Jim wasn't about to deny it. He wasn't about to tell them about Ramon, either; the truth was that he was...well, he was kind of a romantic. Not that they were in a _relationship_ or anything -- if they were in a relationship he wouldn't lend Jim out to Seth, and if he sold Jim for another hot dog they were going to have words -- but he was surprisingly gentle for someone who looked the way he did.

"Right. You can just look at him and tell because of your crazy Asian voodoo."

"Don't be an idiot. Voodoo originated in Africa. Besides, I can tell because he looks terrified." Teddy rested the hand that wasn't covered in latex on Jim's knee, pushing up until he took the hint and bent both of them. "Just breathe."

He _did_ have nice hands, Jim thought as Teddy slid his fingers down Jim's thigh, thumb moving in slow circles as he got closer and closer to Jim's erection. He heard Steven say something, then the mattress dipped again, but until someone reached for his dick and snapped something around it, Jim had no idea what Steven had said. He looked down to find his dick and balls trapped in a thin leather ring, and he'd never heard of such a thing, but just the sight of it sent a shiver of anticipation down his spine.

Then Teddy leaned over and wrapped his lips around the head of his dick, sliding halfway down his length and then back up again, over and over until Jim was panting and straining up for more. He thought he'd burst if he didn't come soon, but the pressure from the leather ring was too much and all he could do was press up into Teddy's hands. Then two fingers slid inside him, even slicker than Steven's had been and Jim let out a noise he was pretty sure humans couldn't hear and pulled his knees into his chest.

"Lord, he is a natural," Steven said from somewhere near his ear. Something hard and blunt grazed his earlobe, and it took Jim a few seconds to realize it was Steven's teeth. He ran his tongue over the same spot, then down Jim's neck to suck at the top of his shoulder. It was a nice distraction from the overwhelming pressure in his dick, but it wasn't enough to distract him from the sudden stretch of a third finger pushing inside.

His eyes flew open and he looked down at Teddy, taking in the intense focus in his expression. Jim didn't feel the least bit tipsy anymore; the floating feeling was long gone, replaced by a hyper-awareness of every nerve ending in his body. He glanced over at Steven and Seth, a fresh shiver of desire shooting down his spine at the sight of Seth's mouth wrapped around Steven's dick. He watched Seth's head move in time with the rhythm of Teddy's fingers, hands wrapped tight around the sheet as Teddy's hand worked him slowly open. Then Teddy's hand disappeared and Jim looked down, torn between relief at the chance to catch his breath and the urge to beg Teddy to fill him up again. He watched as Teddy reached into the can of Crisco and coated his latex-covered fingers some more, flexing them experimentally before he looked up at Jim.

"You ready?"

Jim nodded idiotically and pushed his knees even further apart, bracing his right calf against Steven's shoulder. He felt Steven's hand catch his ankle and pull until he was stretched as wide as he could get, then Teddy sank four fingers inside him.

The burn was unbelievable; he felt like he was being torn in half, and he was sure his dick would explode at any second. He fell back against the mattress and closed his eyes, reaching down with one hand to press hard against his erection as the muscles in his ass slowly loosened around Teddy's fingers. His chest was flushed bright red and he panted with the effort to catch his breath. His legs were cramping from being held in the air, and he was pretty sure he wouldn't survive this, but there was no way he was going to tell Teddy to stop.

Then Teddy's thumb circled his hole, slowly pressing until Jim's body gave enough to let him press his hand halfway inside. He felt more Crisco being smeared on Teddy's wrist and his own ass, and he looked up in time to see Seth wiping a greasy hand on a towel as he leaned up to kiss Teddy. And it was kind of weird, lying there with someone's hand in his ass and fighting for breath while he watched two guys make out, but Jim had never been more turned on in his life. Which wasn't saying much, granted, but if this didn't kill him it would go a long way toward making up for lost time.

When he managed to relax a little Teddy's hand sank further inside him, and Jim panted hard through his teeth as Teddy turned his attention back to putting his whole hand inside. Steven's mouth was on his neck again, teeth catching his skin every so often and then soothing the spot with his tongue before moving on. Seth had moved to kneel behind Teddy at some point, hands on his hips and Jim had a feeling he was just waiting for Teddy to get all the way inside before he broke his concentration by reaching for his dick. Or maybe Seth was planning to fuck Teddy; that image made Jim's cock pulse even harder against the hand still pressing down on it, and when he moaned and pushed up Teddy sank in up to his wrist.

"A flipping natural is what you are," Steven whispered near his ear, his hand sliding down Jim's chest to cover his hand where it was palming his dick hard. He knew he couldn't hold out much longer; even with the leather band restricting his balls, there was no way Jim could take much more. Then Teddy's fingers brushed something inside him and he let out a shout and nearly came off the mattress.

"That's the spot, mate," Steven said, looking up at Teddy as he did it again. Jim was ready for it this time, but that didn't stop him from practically convulsing around Teddy's hand. Later he'd remember to be thankful that he hadn't died with Teddy's hand inside him, because there was no way they could explain that to his mother, but he couldn't be positive he didn't have a seizure when Steven reached under his balls and unclasped the leather ring. He let it fall on the mattress between Jim's legs and wrapped a huge -- _manly_ , even -- hand around Jim's dick, stroking fast as Teddy pushed his hand in hard and hit that spot again. As soon as his fingers brushed Jim's prostate he was coming, clenching hard around Teddy's wrist and thrusting up into Steven's grip.

He'd already come three times tonight, but this time he came harder than ever, over Steven's fingers and on his stomach and even the sheets. It felt like he'd never stop shaking, but finally he relaxed a little and unclenched his legs, letting them down gingerly until his feet hit the mattress. Teddy braced his free hand against Jim's knee and eased his other hand out slowly, and Jim moaned again at the weird mixture of pain-pleasure in his ass as Teddy's fingers finally popped free.

After that everything went black for a minute or two, and when he managed to open his eyes again Teddy was still kneeling in front of him, but his eyes were closed now and Seth's mouth was on his neck. The glove was gone, so maybe Jim passed out for longer than he thought, and he watched as the hand that had been inside him just a little while ago flexed hard against Seth's thigh.

He couldn't tell from this angle if Seth was actually fucking Teddy or if he was just thrusting against him; Jim was enjoying the view all the same when something big and solid blocked it, and he blinked up at Steven. He barely had a second to wonder what he was doing when Steven's hands landed on his hips and flipped him over, and Jim opened his mouth to say that there was no way. He couldn't take it; he couldn't even be sure he'd walk again, and if Steven did what he had in mind Jim might actually die.

"Don't break him, I have to give him back," Seth murmured over Teddy's shoulder, as though he'd read Jim's mind. Or maybe Jim was babbling, but the only noise he actually heard himself make was an undignified squeak, followed by a strangled moan when Steven slid inside.

It was too much. Every nerve ending in him screamed with a weird mixture of pleasure and pain. Steven slid easily in and out of him, keeping up a steady rhythm that reminded Jim of the burn in his ass with every stroke. His own hips were moving wildly, like his body couldn't decide whether to try to get away or to demand more, harder and faster until he really did break. And the whole time Steven's hands gripped his hips, holding him upright when his thighs started to shake from the effort.

Then Steven let go and Jim did collapse, face first on the mattress and legs splayed behind him. Strong hands -- giant, enormous hands -- pushed his legs further apart, then Steven's arms were braced on either side of him and he was pushing inside Jim again, thrusting almost as deep as Teddy's hand. Someone was chanting, _ohgodohgodohgod_ over and over and when Jim realized it was _him_ he blushed harder than ever, because he didn't want God to see this. It seemed to make Steven move even faster, though, and when the head of his dick found that spot again Jim saw white spots behind his eyes.

"Oh my God, you did break him," was the next thing he heard, and he blinked his eyes slowly open to find that he was still face-down on the mattress. His ass still burned when he flexed experimentally, and he winced and wondered just how long it was going to be before he'd be able to sit down again. He felt oddly...empty, though, and there was a part of him that was sorry Steven was gone.

"I didn't. He's just catching his breath," Steven said, sounding a little breathless himself as he leaned over Jim. "You all right, mate?"

"Nggh," Jim mumbled into the pillow, hoping that would be enough to convince Seth, because there was no way he'd be able to form actual words.

"No, you broke him all right," Seth insisted. "I've never heard him say anything stronger than 'jiminy', and he just said 'oh God' about a hundred times."

"Wasn't a hundred," Steven said, and Jim winced again when the mattress bounced. "Twenty, maybe."

The last thing Jim heard before he passed out again was, "Yeah, well, you're explaining this to Ramon." He didn't have the strength to answer, but if he had, he would have told Seth that the person they really had to worry about was his mother.


End file.
